You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The air was thick with penises
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Randomize
