Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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