dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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