True but thats because hes a fetus.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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