guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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