If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
