Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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