I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
