I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
