I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
