theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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