I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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