I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
