the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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