Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
