you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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