i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
