idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
