I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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