just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
