Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
