how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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