When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
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