I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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