some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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