I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
