I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
