How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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