you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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