People in love make me want to vomit
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
