I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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