I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
