I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
