Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
