So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
