Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
