Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
