I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
