So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
