Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
