All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just want to make out with him forever
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
