Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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