Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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