Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
