I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
