Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
