I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she smelled like a LAN party
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
