I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
