the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
