well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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