Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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